I’m about to lose my rag with my brother in law Phil. Recently his wife dressed up as a Smurf for a birthday party. The costume was quite convincing and she properly painted her face and hands blue. Anyway, as soon as the party was over, she went missing and she’s not been seen since. A week passed and everyone was going mental obviously. Phil never lifts a finger round the house normally, but with the housework pilling up, he put a load on in the washing machine. Later he pulled the clean clothes out, and this is the crazy bit, in amongst the clothes was a miniature Smurf toy. Now he’s convinced that his wife has been shrunk in the wash. I thought it was just shock at first but the other day I went round to check on him and that Smurf figure was all tucked up in their bed. I’m losing my marbles.
Dear Lost Marbles
It’s important, during challenging times like this, to take a deep breath and review the facts. First of all, humans can’t be shrunk down to plastic toys in a spin cycle. More importantly, Smurfs are male and I’m assuming Phil’s wife was a woman. For these and other reasons, I suspect that your brother in law is having a psychotic episode. You must also understand that I am an SEO-driven branded content journalist and not a qualified grief counsellor. I would humbly suggest you look beyond the blog pages of a mail order detergent business for more detailed advice.